I Miss The Misery
by I Wear the Crown
Summary: Myka thinks about her her relationship with Helena. Angsty and erratic. A look at Myka's internal struggle with life with Helena.


A/N: It's been awhile since I've actually posted, well, anything. But, I've been reading a lot and this fandom just won't leave me alone. I'm working on some other stuff for this pairing, so I hope you enjoy. Review and let me know what you think. This is a little angsty, so that's something new for me.

Also, this is loosely based off of the song _I Miss the Misery_ by **Halestorm**. If you don't know the song or who they are, RUN! to /watch?v=YpJAmlnBxoA and watch the video for the song. It will put you in a good frame of mind as to where you should be. The other things that I'm working on are going to be loosely based off of the other songs from their cd _The Strange Case of..._ so be looking for those in the near future. Since this is getting to be a bit long, I'll leave you to it. This isn't beta'd.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, just playing in their heads for a while. Not making any money from them either :(

* * *

_I've been a mess since you stayed,_

_I've been a wreck since you changed,_

_Don't let me get in your way,_

_I miss the lies and the pain,_

_The fights that keep us awake-ake-ake_

_I'm tellin you!_

* * *

I can't really say I'm surprised this happened. We're two different people, you and I. Night and day, yen and yang. Did I really think that we could be the forever kind of love that you see in all those sappy rom-com movies? Of course, that's what every girl wants, to a point. That all encompassing, love you to the ends of the Earth, kind of love. Why would I think this was any different?

I should have realized from the moment I laid eyes on you that we would be anything but normal. Our first few meetings were at gun-point, if that's any indication of things to come. You barreled into my life, full speed, stopping for no one, intent on doing things your way. I didn't have a plan for you and I'm pretty sure you didn't have a plan in mind for me, either.

You're not here with me and I'm not sure if you'll be back or even where you've gone. No one seems to want to talk about you, what you've done or where _they_ might have taken you. Everyone seems to be fine with the fact that you've been removed from our lives, our home. Claudia misses you.

But, I'm NOT okay, with this. I'm NOT okay with you not being here, NOT being with me. I'm NOT okay with you deciding that you couldn't handle what we were and the things that you were dealing with. YOU chose to walk out on us and what we had! YOU chose to put an end to everything that we had worked toward these last few months. Everything that you fought to get back, YOU chose to throw away. YOU chose to do that to ME!

Why couldn't you see what was right in front of you? Why couldn't you see that you had the whole world laying at your feet, all you had to do was reach down for it? Was I not enough? Did I not give you enough of myself, time and time again, each and every time you asked for it? Did you not see how my heart broke each time you pulled away from me, each time you turned from me. Where were you when I needed you to be in the moment with me? Where did you go when I needed you to be the person to hold me to this world?

You took everything from me. You took every part of me that I thought was my own for your own selfish desires. You took parts of me that I'll never get back. Parts of me that no one else will ever get because they are yours. Completely. Where's the justice in that for me? When do I get to be whole again? When do I get the life back you stole from me?

There's no point it in now, not really. Every day that passes, I think about you and our life together. The good, the bad and the down right terrible. Both of us were so stubborn, so bull-headed; neither one of us willing to concede when we felt we were in the right. But, baby, when we were good, God, we were so good. You would take my breath away, all smooth talking and suave. No one had ever made me feel the way you did, and I admit, I believe no one will ever be able to do so again. You have, for lack of a better word, ruined me for any future lover. The thing is though, I don't want anyone else, just you.

I love you, Helena. As much today as I did yesterday, or even the day before that. I love you with every ounce of my body and every fiber of my being. If the powers that be see it fit that we are to never be together again, I will miss you until my dying breath. More than that though, I'll miss the misery.

* * *

_I miss the rough sex,_

_Leaves me a mess,_

_I miss the feeling of pains in my chest!_

_Miss the phone calls,_

_When it's your fault,_

_I miss the late nights,_

_Don't miss you at all!_

_I like the kick in the face,_

_And the things you do to me!_

_I love the way that it hurts!_

_I don't miss you, I miss the misery!_

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If you've made it this far, thanks for reading! Leave me a review and let me know what I can work on with this fic, or if you would like to see more to it. Thanks again! Reviews make me smile :D


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